I know this is strange way to come back, but life brought me to the need of writing again. Since my last post, life was a roller coaster. Filled with good times and painful times. Each time I learn more about myself. I learned how much I can take, and how much I can’t. Like usual, I am having a hard time picking where to start. So, I am going to type it out in a form of a letter. Here goes nothing..
You are one of the most confused person I ever met in my life. You have so much to learn about love, TRUTH and respect that it’s amazing you let yourself get away with dealing so much pain to others. I got asked, “Why do you even deal and talk to someone like him??”. Well, cause I see the good in people. I give people chances to prove themselves they are people they are meant to be. Hell, maybe I was fooling myself cause of my feelings for you. After all, love is blind, right? You said, we are toxic for one another yet, you are so toxic to yourself, that I don’t think you even know what you say and do to others in the process is worse than what you accuse them of doing to you. You are also the only male I known in my life that holds grudges as much as you do. Every moment that suits you, you use the past as a weapon. It’s wrong no matter how you look at it and how you use it or BELIEVE. You say, you are happy. How can someone be happy with dating someone they don’t trust, which means they don’t really love their partner or the fact being told by a female best friend, “It’s either her or me”. That’s not living happy! Being told you have to stop talking to someone or you will lose them is wrong and fucked up on soooo many levels. Cause I was even told that if she was a true friend, she would never ever ever make you choose.
Yet you make it out that I was so horrible for what I did 3 YEARS ago. Yet again, I was told by people I didn’t do anything really wrong. I said this before, but I don’t feel bad anymore. Cause when I came to my senses and broke down every little piece, I realize the same thing as other people do. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t have to tell you, I was dating someone after you LEFT. Who I was with, is my business. Cause the moment you left, YOU and YOU alone, had no right to know what was going on in MY PERSONAL life. You chose to leave, yet you tell me it was my fault you left, when I didn’t force you too, you did it on your own! If you would have stuck around, things would have been so different, completely utterly different lol. So, if you want to forever point fingers at me and make everyone else look like saints, fine go a head…I don’t care anymore. I know in my heart the truth, people who are not one-sided and MATURE agree I didn’t fully do anything wrong. One day, one day.. maybe in a few weeks or months, hell even years you will see and realize. Lastly, next time you call me a lair, make sure you are not yourself. You have lied to your best friend about not talking to me anymore, when you are and when you look at your girlfriend telling her all the sweet nothing as you did me, knowing you don’t trust her and probably don’t even honestly love her….is LYING. BIG TIME. Probably, worse than what you accuse me of doing. Like I said, you have a lot to learn.
Anyway, I don’t hate you and will always in some ways love you. But I have realize I need to stop all together, cause I am worth more than what you said, did and plan to do to me. Our mutual friend even said it, “You got fucked over girly.” And deep down you know they are right. Don’t worry about me. I will be okay. I am content with being alone at the moment. I am doing me. Healing myself mentally and emotionally. I will never close the door on you cause I am kind like that. Now I know I probably just pissed you off with all this, but if it’s not true, why get mad? lol.