I am trying to justify my actions and I can’t. The whole thing leading up to that moment, I have no words. All I can say is, I am so deeply sorry. Just shit for me boiled over at that moment and I unleashed it on you. There are no excuse for that. The guilt and pain of your reaction to what I did is something now I have to live with. As you know, I don’t handle pain very well. Well, emotional pain anyway. I guess even anger.
I really don’t blame you for what you did. I know protecting those you care about is something that is top priority, even if it’s from yourself and from your life. Granted, I know you telling yourself, “I don’t give a fuck anymore! Fuck her!” is a way you are trying to deal with it and justify your actions towards me right now. No matter how cold one is, if they ever felt real love and connection with someone, shit like this will eat at them and you will never fully let go. You have to much on your plate to even have me/us on your radar right now, which is fine. I don’t know what the future holds. Not even for myself. I will keep it 100% real with you, I don’t know if I will be ok. I don’t know if I were to walk out my door if my past or yours will catch up to me and I will be flying high. Either way, don’t worry about me. My inner strength will stump my ass and come out with life lessons. Won’t be easy not talking to you everyday anymore. I will for a while worry if you are ok or not, but I will put one foot forward.
I can go on and on, but I think I am just hitting a wall right now. I will update this for a while if you want to keep tabs on me, I know a part of you still wants to make sure I am ok. Again, I am so sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to one day at least talk to me. I will for now, keep my distance. Please, be safe.