Besides my body feeling like it has gotten hit by a mack truck, I woke up feeling I got this. Yes, I have my up and down moments, but it’s a start right? No matter how many promises were told to me even all the way up to yesterday, you take things one day at a time. Just right now, fighting an illness (with fever) do to being so stressed out and depressed can keep you from being on top of things. I should be resting and sleeping, but I am sitting here with my headphones on drowning out the world, but I am sitting here spilling out to the world that I am hurting so badly, but shit, I am trying. I SWEAR!
I am trying to not believe anything anyone tells me right now, cause my mind can’t deal with trying to filter out the truth. OK, I am lying, its my heart that can’t filter out the truth. My mind is all for picking through the truth with fine tooth comb. I’m just so exhausted. Just too stressful and painful. I don’t know how people can live with themselves with how they are with people. How they can look at themselves in the mirror everyday and think of cruel things to do to someone they claim are so in love with (and still are). I just don’t understand. Am I just gullible? Stupid? Someone please explain to me, why people are this way? Why promise and say things that can linger in a person mind and heart (specially in women) for a long time, and rip it all away? Then expect you to understand their reasons and answers, even though they don’t make sense and contradict everything they ever said and done.
I know the type of person I am. Let me list them for you all:
1.) I am kind (to kind apparently)
4.) Smart (even though I get hurt in believing in people)
7.) Forgiving person (even though I need to stop that, I think)
9.) I have a big heart
So, someone tell me, why would someone want to break all that down? Number 6 on the list is right now trying hard to stand it’s ground, but it keeps getting hammered. Even the strongest person, falls to their knees and screams out in pain. Anyway, I am going to try to rest now and see if food wants to agree with me right now.