Day 1

Good Morning everyone. I literally woke up not to long ago. My coffee is still hot and my hair is still a total rats nest.  So, this post will be fueled by coffee.

 

My first thoughts this morning, was of, “Shit! You can do this!”.  My goal today is not to cry out of pain or frustration. Just putting one foot forward with my head held high.  I am learning that showing my feeling to some people is a weakness. They take what I do, and how I can be and use it against me.  Like they know how to, in a way, keep me in one place that will keep me running like I’m on a treadmill. I feel like I am getting somewhere but they are behind me like, “Nope bitch, you ain’t going no where! LOL”.  It’s horrible, I know. I am trying to find a way to keep a connection without there being one. If that makes any senses?! I have gotten told it’s best to cut all ties. To be very honest, it has crossed my mind. I deserve to smile, laugh and feel good everyday, all day.  Granted, in today’s world that’s hard to come by. You just have to have the right people in your world to keep you calm, sane and grounded.  To build you up, not rip you down. Love sometimes is letting go, so time and life can make you grow, learn and fix what’s needs to be fixed. And if your paths are meant to cross again, they will.

 

I am no saint though. I do let my flaws get in the way of things that could have worked. An recently, I learned that I do that a lot. It’s like I let something trigger my fears, and then they snowball into something much bigger. That is something I need to work on, and I got some good people in my life to help me with that. Also, I need to learn to stand my ground. Not to cave in so fast. If my gut is telling me no, I shouldn’t do it. I got work to do when it comes to me. So, if I lose people in my life while I try to work on the woman I am met to be, they are not meant to be in my life. Going to be a painful road, but I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. Time to start walking that path. Now, this whole ordeal has gotten me sick. Like literally, fever, throats on fire, etc. So, I am going to go try this kick this shit in the ass. Wish me luck y’all. ❤

 

-A

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